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(15) Parents & Kids

 PK15

The 7 Keys to Co-operation

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

-Gandhi

The 7 keys gradually develop parents’ capacity to establish a home as a No-Fault Zone-a place where valuing every family member’s needs equally and doing one’s best to meet them replaces fault-finding, punishment, and reward.

Key 1 • Parent with Purpose helps you align with your deepest reasons for parenting and your deepest desires for your children.

Key 2 • See the Needs Behind Every Action takes the mystery out of why children act the way they do and introduces a needs focused approach to parenting.

Key 3 • Create Safety, Trust, & Belonging draws upon scientific research to confirm the crucial role that physical and emotional safety plays in children’s development, and then shows you how to provide it.

Key 4 • Inspire Giving invites you to identify your child’s gifts, receive them gratefully, and encourage a mutual flow of giving and receiving.

Key 5 • Use a Language of Respect walks you, step by step, through the process language of Nonviolent Communication, showing how you can translate all criticism and blame into respectful expression of needs.

Key 6 • Learn Together As You Go encourages you to explore, investigate, and co-create with your children, with the confidence that there are many ways to do things and many strategies to meet needs.

Key 7 • Make Your Home a No-Fault Zone reveals the true source of conflict and the path you can take to transform conflict situations into heartfelt connections.

 Key 1 - Parent with Purpose Key Concepts

As the speed of life accelerates, everyone needs something solid to hang on to-some ballast for the high seas and a compass to navigate the dizzying array of choices you face every day. You need to know what purpose you are serving, what you are choosing for.

Your children also need to navigate through their own galaxy of choices, fueled by fads, ads, and ever-changing must haves. They also need a calm home port to anchor in when their lives are rough-and-tumble. Parents who are able to define meaning and purpose for their lives, including their parenting lives, help meet vital needs for children, including stability, security, safety, and guidance in how to find one’s own pole stars.

Responsibility is fostered by allowing children a voice and wherever indicated a choice in matters that affect them.

- Haim Ginott

 Choose Your Purpose

Pressures to work harder, achieve more, and have more are at an all-time high. Moms, dads, and kids, too, are speeding up to keep up, which means operating more of the time on autopilot and reacting quickly to circumstances, in a kind of crisis mode. Crisis mode is essential when there is real danger-during a wildfire, a flood, or an accident. In these times of peril, the body delivers adrenaline to make you alert and responsive. Your safety and your life depend on these automatic reactions. In the past, crises occurred from time to time. Today, however, the pace of life, high performance standards, news media, and instant communication systems combine to create a heightened sense of crisis in daily life, not only for parents, but for kids as well. In short, families are suffering from crisis overload. Stressed parents in a rush snap at kids-and kids snap back (or they dig in their heels and hide out in their rooms). When you and your kids are in crisis overload, family life can become a battle zone characterized by mutual blame and perpetual arguments.

If you are operating on autopilot, you will probably feel like a victim of circumstances doing your utmost just to get through the day and all the while using habitual ways of thinking, listening, and speaking that add fuel to crises and conflict. When you are in crisis mode, it can be hard to recognize that at every moment you have choices about how to respond.

Nonetheless, from morning to night each of us is continually making choices about how to act, how to talk, and how to listen. Equally important, those who study our inner lives have gathered strong evidence that we also actively choose how we think. This is why it is crucial for each of us to know what we are choosing for. When we know what we are choosing for and we become aware of the choices we are making, each of us increases our ability to respond to life in ways that support our choices. Clearly knowing what you are parenting for provides you guidance for making daily choices about how to parent.

 

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