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(5) Pearls of Life

Believe in Yourself Believe in Your Goals


Say It Out Loud

If you want to believe in something, you need to say it out loud. Tell yourself firmly and unequivocally how it is. “I deserve a pay raise,” or “I choose to eat healthy,” or “I am making my relationship better,” or whatever it is you want. For some reason this is more likely to be successful if you word it in the present tense, and make it positive-don’t say, “I’m not…,” but “I am….” (Don’t ask me why, but that’s what research indicates.) So find a phrase that really encapsulates what it is you want to think, and you’ll find before long that you do think it. Whatever it is you choose to say to yourself, say it as often as you like-several times a day at least. This is one of the cornerstones of positive thinking, because you’re constantly reiterating positive thoughts. We all know that if you hear anything often enough you start to believe it. Well, this is your opportunity to make that fact work for you.

I really can’t say often enough (out loud or otherwise) that getting what you want is as much about your attitude as about what you actually do. Anything that helps to build a more can-do attitude has got to be a good thing.

 Believe in Yourself

 Enthusiasm, optimism, positive thinking-they’re infectious. You know that. So use it to your advantage. Go into any room believing in yourself, and the person you’re talking to will believe in you, too. And they’re ten times more likely to say yes to anything you say.

But it’s not just about how other people see you. It’s also about how you see yourself. Yep, we’re back to attitude again. If you believe that you deserve this, are capable of it, can achieve it-whether it’s making enough money to buy a house, patching up your relationship, owning a Ferrari, or becoming a less anxious person-then you’ll make it happen. That self-belief will drive you to succeed where you’d have had no chance if you were expecting to fail. Your level of self-belief isn’t just about motivation; it will actually change the outcome. And you’d better believe it.

 Expect Ups and Downs

 You know you wrote out that list of things you have to do to get what you want? Well, when you start working through it, you’ll find that some things go far better than you thought. It turns out that your estranged parents are actually ready to bury the past, at least for long enough to share a table at the family event. They were expecting it and had already decided to make the day as happy as possible. What a pleasant surprise, after all the ructions you were anticipating.

What you hadn’t predicted was the roof of your sister’s house collapsing a week before the event, necessitating you ordering a tent at the eleventh hour so the event could be held in her garden instead. Everything in life has its ups and downs, ins and outs, plusses, and minuses. Some bits of your grand plan will go far more smoothly than you dared hope, whereas others throw up problems you simply hadn’t foreseen. And what I’m saying is that that’s OK. It’s life. You should have been expecting the unexpected. (I do hate that expression, and I’m only using it ironically.)

Don’t let the downs drag you down. Face them philosophically. Just say to you, “Ah, this is one of those downs I knew would crop up at some point,” and deal with it. Yes it’s a pain, but no, it doesn’t have to ruin all your plans.

 Enjoy It When You Get It

 A friend of mine once spent ages saving up for a classic car. I saw him a couple of weeks after he finally got it. And you know what? He was bitching and moaning about it. It kept breaking down, the gears were sticking, the soft top was mildewed in places, and its fuel consumption was through the roof. And it wouldn’t fit in his garage unless he had a major clearout, which he couldn’t face. What I found particularly absurd about this (as I told him) was that you expect these things with a classic car. And, actually, that’s half the point.

They’re not worth having unless you’re going to lavish love and care on them. He knew that really, but somehow he hadn’t taken it properly to heart. My point here is that anyone looking on from the outside wouldn’t have seen him as a man who had got what he wanted.

Quite the reverse really. So if you’re certain that you really do want the thing you’re aiming at, make sure you enjoy it when you finally get it. So what if the gears stick? You’re now the proud owner of a beautiful classic car. Sit back and take a few puffs on your metaphorical cigar and tell yourself how you didn’t get where you are today without hard work.

If you settle for second best, don’t check the car over properly before you buy, rush onto the next want before you’ve finished appreciating this one-your hard work will be wasted. And you’ll see yourself as someone who doesn’t get what they want when the opposite is true. So relax, enjoy, and bask in some glory. You’ve earned it.





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