Give a like for good questions!
Ask Questions
Here’s another way to ask without actually having to ask. You simply ask the other person what she’d do in your position. How would she achieve the thing you’re after? It’s quite likely that she’ll realize that your best bet is to get her to help and, if you’ve laid the groundwork making yourself someone she’d like to say yes to, there’s a good chance she’ll offer.
So you could ask your boss how she’d go about getting into PR if she were in your position. How would she achieve it? Or tell your mom you find holidays so exhausting with four kids that you’re not sure you can face going away. What should you do?
Be careful not to sound as if you’re deliberately manipulating them into offering to help. That will irritate them and thus deter them. You really are asking for advice, because if they suggest something you haven’t thought of, that could genuinely be helpful even if it doesn’t entail those offering practical help themselves.
Ask for Advice Instead of a Job
Here’s an effective technique for getting a job in a new organization, or a first job, or a position in a voluntary sector organization. As a matter of fact, this strategy got me my first proper job.
Suppose you want to work in a particular field that’s new to you, or in a certain organization, and you want to meet the person who could give you that job. The fact is that if you write or email and ask to go and see someone because you want them to give you work, they’ll almost certainly say no. No one likes to turn down a job applicant, and it’s easier to turn down the initial request for a meeting.
So you don’t ask for a job. In fact, you specify that you’re not asking for a job. You say something along the lines of, “I realize you don’t have any vacancies at
moment, but I’d hugely appreciate your advice on how to get into the industry/organization.” Of course you then explain why you want to work in that field so much, and why you want his advice in particular.
Few people can resist flattery, especially when it’s sincere. And without the pressure of having to turn you down, most people will agree to meet so you can pick their brains. Actually, however, if they decide that you’ve got all the passion and brains and commitment and knowledge and expertise they want, why wouldn’t they offer you a job? If not now, then as soon as they have a suitable vacancy? Or they’d recommend someone else to approach, and put in a word or let you use their name. If they like you and think you have what it takes, they’ll want to help you, and they’ll have the power to do it.
Get Someone to Do the Asking for You
If you don’t want to have to ask, why not get someone else to do it for you? No this won’t always work, but it often can. Either you get them to ask directly, or you get them to sound out the other person so you know their likely response.
It’ll be much easier to go on and ask for yourself if you already know they’re going to say yes.
Thank you, yes, I have noticed the deliberate mistake. You’ll still have to ask the person who’s doing the asking. I do realize that. Which is why this tactic is for those occasions when it’s easy to ask the go-between? I’m assuming you can ask some people to do some things-it’s just the big stuff you struggle with. Presumably you can ask the dog to sit, or ask your partner to pass the milk, or your kids to put on their shoes. So you need to get someone you can ask to do the bit that you don’t feel comfortable with. )So don’t ask your kids to see if your boss will give you a pay raise, or the dog to sound out the bank manager about a loan).
Maybe your sister can talk to your mother about going on vacation with you, so you can have a bit more of a rest from the kids. Perhaps your manager can ask his boss if you’d be able to work from home a couple of days a week. Maybe your best friend can ask that girl you like whether she’d go on a date with you?
This approach has an added advantage in that it implies the go-between is on your side. Why else would they ask for you? And the other person is more likely to give the matter serious thought if you’ve got support.
Tell Them You Need Them
Ooh but people do like to be flattered. I’ve said it before. And I’ll repeat that any flattery must be sincere. Lots of people respond remarkably well to feeling needed, and if it’s true, the flattery isn’t hollow.
If you need someone, why not say so? It will give them a warm feeling, and help them to realize that if they don’t help you, the job of supporting you won’t just be passed on to the next person because there isn’t a next person. You’re relying on her. That should focus her mind a bit. Help her to say yes.
Just one thing here-this is another of those times when you have to be sure not to emotionally blackmail the other person. You’re not trying to make him feel guilty about you-you just want him to know that he’s important to your plans. If you tip over into implying that if he doesn’t help you all your hopes and dreams will be cruelly dashed, that’s emotional blackmail and he won’t like it. What’s more, if he has any sense, he won’t help you.
The clue to the difference is in the word “emotional.” If you tell him matter-of-factly that you need his help, and then don’t whine about it, you’re fine. If you allow emotion into the proceedings-being whiny or pathetic or telling him how if he doesn’t help you’ll suffer this or that-that’s when you’ve gone too far. Especially if you keep going on about it.
