Parenting in the modern world: Kyle Seaman at TEDxMontreal
Receive Your Child’s Gifts
The greatest gift we can give to our children is not just to share our riches with them, but to reveal their riches to themselves.
-Swahili proverb
Willingness to receive is an additional gift parents have to give to their kids. Receiving a gift with heartfelt acknowledgement and genuine appreciation generates a flow of goodwill between giver and receiver. The need to contribute to the well-being of others is somewhat like a muscle; you use it or risk losing it. Without exercise a muscle sags and eventually atrophies. And when failing to have gifts recognized and received, a child becomes discouraged and loses her desire to give. By noticing and receiving your children’s spontaneous actions as gifts, you save your kids from believing that gifts refer only to items bought in stores. In a society that often equates wealth with money; young people often see themselves as useless and powerless to give to others as long as they don’t have lots of money to buy things. When you acknowledge the gifts your children give freely, they will grow up seeing themselves as powerful givers. As a natural outcome of having their gifts received, they are more likely to recognize and appreciate the steady stream of gifts you give them. Some ways you can let your children know that you receive their gifts are to share how you feel about receiving what is being offered and to share what need of yours was met by receiving the gift. When you gave me that big smile this morning as you went out the door to school, I felt very happy. I love those quick moments of connection.
Explore for Yourself
Think of ways you give from the heart. Make a list of ways or things you can give others (that don’t cost money).
Make a list of things you receive from others (that don’t cost money).
Explore Together: Celebrating Gifts
Invite everyone in your family to write or draw about the gifts each has to give. You can help each other think of these gifts. The gifts can all be listed on one page or you can put one gift on each page and illustrate it. Compile the pages in a three-ring binder and give it a title such as Family
Book of Gifts. Add to it as new gifts come to mind. Let the book serve as a source of gratitude and a reminder that each member of the family has the power to contribute.
Explore Together: Notes of Appreciation
Fill out notes before a dinner, fold them, and place them on your child’s napkin.
Give Your Gifts Freely
The best things in life are free. They don’t cost money; however, and more importantly, they are freely given-no strings attached. Giving freely, without any expectation of getting anything back or any sense of obligation, guilt, or fear, primes the pump for others to give freely to you. And the result in such willing exchanges is that the giver and the receiver both feel great joy and genuine connection.
This joy in giving is greatly diminished if you expect something in return. The flow of heartfelt connection is also absent if there is a sense of obligation that you must give, ought to give, or should give. If you find yourself feeling resentful, it is likely there are some strings attached to your giving. Maybe you are overcommitted and need to cut back on the number of things you do. Maybe you think you should be doing things you could ask or hire someone else to do. Maybe your standards for how things should be done keep you busier than you need to be.
Explore for Yourself
Think of a specific time you gave to someone just because you wanted to.
What did you give?
What needs did this meet for the other person?
What needs did this meet for you?
How did you feel when giving just because you wanted to?
Explore for Yourself
Think of a specific time you gave to someone because you thought you should.
What did you give?
What needs did this meet for the other person?
What needs did this meet for you?
How did you feel when giving because you thought you should?
Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging.
-Deepak Chopra
Explore Together: Giving from the Heart
Family members take turns sharing about times during the day that they gave freely to others or to themselves. Discuss the needs met for the person who received the gift as well as the needs met for the giver. Draw a picture of the giving event and share the pictures with each other.
Notice all the different ways to give.
Notice how you feel when you give just because you want to give.
