GIRAFFE: American Sign Language for GIRAFFE 
Our language habits are at the core of how we imagine the world.
-Neil Postman
In your own words, write down your intention. What do you want to create in your relationship with your children?
What is your intention for your next interaction with your child? Take time to nourish your intention. It’s all too easy to stay with your nose down to the ground, responding and reacting to the steady stream of daily interactions with your children and with veryone else. Making a habit of regularly nourishing your intention will help you remember it more regularly throughout your busy days, and especially when you need it the most!
Learning and practicing Giraffe Language will help nourish your intention. Other ways to nourish your intention include the following: taking a moment in the morning, before the day begins, to remember your intention; breathing deeply in the middle of an intense interaction and giving yourself empathy; taking time to be in nature; reading inspirational books; meditating; praying; singing; dancing; writing; drawing; and painting.
What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.
-Marshall B. Rosenberg
Notice the Flow of Communication
In any dialogue, there is a kind of traffic flow: sometimes you express and sometimes you listen. It helps to step back at times and notice who’s talking and who’s listening. Have you noticed that when you and your child are talking at the same time, no one really gets heard? In order for each of you to be heard, someone will have to step back, from time to
time, and listen. Giraffe Language will show you how to do this important listening without giving in or giving up what you, also, want to say.
When you are aware of the flow of communication, you have more choice about where to focus your attention. You can choose one of three ways of interacting: listening with self-empathy to your feelings and needs; listening with empathy to the other person’s feelings and needs; or expressing your honest feelings and needs. Giraffe Language suggests you choose where to focus based on where you are likely to find the most connection.
For example, if your daughter is too upset to hear what you have to say, the most connection will be found when you listen to her. Or, if you are too upset to hear her feelings and needs, the most connection will likely be found when you, first, listen to what’s going on in you.
As well as guiding you in where to focus your attention, Giraffe Language gives clear guidelines for what to focus on. There are three items on the list: (1) make clear observations-free of evaluations, (2) connect with feelings and needs, and (3) make do-able requests. This is a very brief introduction and there is much more to learn and practice. More resources, including books, tapes, videos, and workshops, can be found at www.cnvc.org .
To observe without evaluation is the highest form of human
– J. Krishnamurti
Make Clear Observations- Free of Evaluations
The first step in expressing yourself in Giraffe is to clearly describe what it is you are reacting to. Your ability to make observations free of evaluations will serve you greatly in connecting with your kids. For instance, if you say to your son, you were very rude this morning, he is likely to hear this as a criticism and want to defend himself, either by arguing or shutting down. If, instead, you make a clear observation of what happened, your son will more likely stay to hear more. A clear observation sounds like this: When I said Hi to you this morning, you looked the other way. To develop the skill of making clear observations, free of evaluations, pretend you are looking through the lens of a video camera. What, precisely, do you see (or hear or remember)? When you use vivid and evaluation-free observations, you take a first step toward connection with your child and open the door to further dialogue.
Imagine your reaction to hearing each of the following statements. Keep in mind that the speaker’s tone of voice and posture are also communicating the message behind the words.
You never listen. (Evaluation)
I see you looking in your book while I’m talking to you. (Clear observation)
You’re being lazy. (Evaluation)
Its ten o’clock and you’re still in bed. (Clear observation)
You’re irresponsible. (Evaluation)
You said you’d feed the dog tonight and I see that the can of food is unopened. (Clear observation)
