The doctors say my operation was a success and everyone is pleased with my progress but I can’t look at my scar without flinching and I can’t accept the changes in my body. Is this normal? How long will it take to adjust?
Your reaction is both normal and natural. Most people go through a period of adjustment to change and the time this takes varies from person to person. It often helps to talk about how you are feeling – with your partner, family and friends or one of the staff caring for you.
There are many people you can turn to for practical and emotional support. Choose someone with whom you feel comfortable – your hospital doctor, your family doctor, a specialist nurse or someone else you became close to at the hospital. This help and support can be extended to your family if they too are finding it difficult to adjust to what has happened to you. Some hospitals employ trained counselors with whom you can discuss your feelings and concerns about various aspects of your life.
You can also turn to someone from a cancer support group or organization. There are many breast cancer specific support groups where you can meet others who have been through something similar. It can feel very supportive to be among people who have probably felt similar to the way you do now.
I seem to have lost my confidence. When I go out I’m sure everyone knows I’ve had breast cancer and I’m different. Is there anything I can do to overcome this?
Many people feel less confident about meeting others, especially if you now look different. It takes time to regain your confidence in the same way as it takes time for you to adjust to the changes caused by treatment for cancer. Very often, adjustment and self-confidence go hand in hand. If you are in company, the only person who may know of or notice any difference may be you. Friends, colleagues or strangers will only know if you choose to tell them.
You may find it helpful to make contact with a person who has had the same operation or treatment as you. This is possible through many of the support and self-help organizations.
Everyone keeps telling me to put it all behind me, but it is really difficult. Am I being pathetic?
Having breast cancer and the treatment for it is like being on a huge emotional rollercoaster. Once treatment is over, the rest of the world expects you to ‘get back to normal’. Sometimes you just aren’t physically up to it because the impact of treatment can last some weeks and occasionally months. And you may still be taking hormone therapy that reminds you of your cancer and all you have been through. So while you still feel less than a hundred per cent others around you are only too delighted that you have come through the treatment. Often, because of their own fears as much as anything else, they want to see you as you were before it all happened. However, the old ‘normal’ may not be possible to achieve after the challenges you have faced.
Don’t be pressured by others into doing things you don’t want to do. Take time to consider decisions and don’t hesitate to seek support of a counsellor to help you to adapt to life now that treatment is over.
