Toddler Tries to Argue Like an Adult
Topic: Life-Enriching Practices
Title: D-Stress1
Objective: To synchronize the rhythms of the breath, mind, and heart
Type of Activity: Inner awareness
Procedure:
1. Notice that you are feeling stressed.
2. Hit the pause button.
Immediately stop what you are doing. You are about to do something you are likely to regret later. If you do not push the pause button your upset is likely to increase.
3. Focus on your heart and breath.
Breathe into the area of the heart (4 counts)
Exhale through the abdomen (4 counts)
4. Create a feeling of gratitude or appreciation.
Remember a time when you were feeling these feelings and feel them again now.
5. Breathe another 6 or 8 breaths while holding that feeling.
6. Check in.
Ask yourself: Am I feeling any differently?
Are any new ideas for handling the problem coming to mind?
- Adapted from a Heart Math Freeze-Frame Exercise in The Inside Story: Understanding the Power of Feelings, Heart Math L.L.C., 2002.
Topic: Life-Enriching Practices
Title: Re-Charge
Objective: To provide choices for deep rest and relaxation
Type of Activity: Inner awareness
Procedure:
When you run out of patience and energy, it is time to Re-Charge-to restore yourself to your healthiest, most balanced state. Without consciously taking time to do it, it won’t happen.
Ask yourself these questions:
When do I feel happiest?
What activities give me joy and well-being?
With what person or people do I feel most myself?
In what places do I feel most peaceful and calm?
Include these places, people, and activities in your life as often as possible.
Topic: Life-Enriching Practices
Title: Take Time In
Objective: To calm yourself when you are feeling stress, anger, or other heightened, negative emotions; to connect with your feelings and needs
Type of Activity: Inner awareness
Procedure:
1. Notice your symptoms.
You are feeling stressed or in a heightened emotional state.
Physical symptoms:
These can be different for different people. Some of these symptoms might include: increased heart rate; clammy or sweaty hands; feeling warmer than usual, especially around the neck and in the face; and tightness in the chest or throat.
Action symptoms:
Speaking in a louder than usual voice; name-calling; using put downs; threatening yourself or others; and/or pushing, slapping, shaking, hitting, or spanking another person.
2. Hit the pause button.
Immediately stop what you are doing. You are about to do something you are likely to regret later. If you do not push the pause button your upset is likely to increase.
3. Regain equilibrium.
Take several deep breaths.
Go for a walk or run.
Do some stretches.
Call a friend for empathy.
4. Connect with feelings and needs.
As soon as possible, connect with your feelings and needs.
If you are angry, identify the anger-producing thoughts that fuel the anger.
Feel the feelings and sit with the needs that are urgently calling for your attention.
Option: Empathy Solitaire
You can use the Feelings and Needs card deck at the end of the book to help you determine feelings and needs. Look through the Feelings Cards and lay out the cards that describe your feelings.
Look through the Needs Cards and lay out the cards that describe the unmet needs that you think might be behind your feelings.
5. Reconnect with your Purpose and your Intention for communication.
6. Make your next move from this place of connection with yourself, your purpose, and your intention.
Topic: Life-Enriching Practices
Title: Assess Your Needs (for Parents)
Objective: To stay current with life; to celebrate met needs and mourn unmet needs; to notice needs that want attention
Type of Activity: Self-assessment for parents
Procedure:
Make copies of this form so you can write on it and periodically review and assess your needs. Circle the number that represents your current level of satisfaction or dissatisfaction in meeting the following needs (5 indicating most satisfaction, 1 indicating most dissatisfaction).
My Relationship with Myself
1—2—3—4—5 nutrition
1—2—3—4—5 rest
1—2—3—4—5 exercise
1—2—3—4—5 fun
1—2—3—4—5 balance
1—2—3—4—5 self-expression
1—2—3—4—5 creative outlets
1—2—3—4—5 meaning, spiritual connection
1—2—3—4—5 learning, growth
1—2—3—4—5 contribution
1—2—3—4—5 companionship
My Relationship with My Children
1—2—3—4—5 safety & trust
1—2—3—4—5 mutual respect
1—2—3—4—5 co-operation
1—2—3—4—5 expressing my feelings & needs clearly
1—2—3—4—5 hearing their feelings & needs
1—2—3—4—5 hearing the needs behind their No
1—2—3—4—5 asking for what I would like without making demands
1—2—3—4—5 having fun together
My Relationship with Other Adults at Home
1—2—3—4—5 safety & trust
1—2—3—4—5 co-operation
1—2—3—4—5 expressing my feelings & needs clearly
1—2—3—4—5 hearing their feelings & needs
1—2—3—4—5 hearing requests, not demands
1—2—3—4—5 asking for what I would like without making demands
1—2—3—4—5 having fun together
Use These 7 Keys to:
• Express yourself so you’re heard and respected
• Successfully handle disagreements or problem behaviors
• Motivate your kids to willingly contribute
• Set clear limits without using demands or coercion
• Empower your kids to open up, co-operate, and realize their full potential
• Create outstanding, lifelong relationships with your kids
