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How can I help my other children form a relationship with their autistic sibling?
While relationships between an autistic sibling and a typically developed sibling are more difficult to establish, they can be every bit as loving and satisfying as those between two typical siblings. Children without a full appreciation of the sensitivities and limitations of an autistic sibling find it difficult to engage that sibling in conversation or play. The effects of being frightened, ignored, or rebuffed by the autistic sibling can impede a good relationship.
It is therefore not surprising that young children unfamiliar with how to speak or play with their autistic sibling may become discouraged by the reactions they encounter and seek their playmates elsewhere. Parents can encourage a good relationship between the siblings by teaching their typical children about autism and a few simple skills. Indeed, research has shown that not only can siblings learn these basic skills to engage their brother or sister with autism, but can improve their relationship and enjoy it.
To improve the relationship between the siblings, the typical siblings need to learn how autistic children are different from them. Their brother or sister may not enjoy being hugged or touched in a certain way. Loud voices or noises from toys or games may be painful or frightening. Overly complex games or games that depend too much on verbal communication may be inappropriate for the autistic sibling-although this is not the case for all autistic children. This is a trial-and-error process for the parents and the siblings. The learning process can take time and should be approached incrementally. Too much too soon may wear out the children and exhaust the patience of siblings and parents alike. When the typical child gains insight into the autistic sibling’s sensitivities and interest levels, the basis for better communication and play is established.
Some skills that the typical sibling can develop to better communicate with their autistic sibling are: Getting their attention: Autistic children may appear not to hear well because the focus of their interest is elsewhere. Before trying to engage the autistic sibling in play, the typical sibling should get their attention. This can include facing the child and getting them to make eye contact and respond in some way.
Simplifying tasks:When attempting to teach their autistic sibling a new game or athletic skill, it is helpful to break that skill down into a series of simple steps. Each step should be explained clearly and demonstrated if possible.
Giving instructions: Any instructions given should be modulated to the autistic child’s ability to comprehend. Short and simple instructions are best. If possible, demonstrating what you want may be helpful. Again, the typical child should be encouraged to be patient.
Praising good performance:When the autistic child does cooperate or performs a skill well, praise is in order. This can take the form of verbal praise, hanging up a drawing on the refrigerator, or providing a treat of some kind.
Positive reinforcement is a great motivator for both typical and autistic children. Parents should remember that during this learning process, the rules of skill development apply to both the typical and autistic child. Parents should be patient with the typical child, encourage their efforts, and praise their success.
How can I get my autistic child to exercise?
Exercise is important for the autistic as well as the typical child. Regular aerobic exercise has been demonstrated to decrease anxiety in autistic children, reduces weight, reduces risk for heart disease and diabetes, and engages the child in a constructive use of his time.
Before a parent can encourage their child to exercise, he or she must create a space in the home or yard where the child can safely run and play. Some characteristics that this space should have include:
This area should be enclosed to prevent wandering, getting lost, or having access to strangers.
This space should be easily accessible to the parent and the child should be visible at all times.
Recall that the autistic child can be very curious and oblivious to danger. Parents need to be circumspect when choosing or improving a play area. Things that would not present a danger to a typical child might be very dangerous to an autistic child. Therefore, parents should be sure that their child’s play area is free of attractive hazards, such as:
Dangerous things to fall off of, including natural and manmade structures (tool sheds, rock formations, utility poles, or high-tension wire towers)
Dangerous things to climb into or fall into (lakes, rivers, pools, wells, drainage pipes, crawl spaces, electrical closets, sump drains, or natural caves)
Dangerous things to play with (sharp objects, cutting tools, power tools, explosives, firearms, cigarette lighters, matches, caustic chemicals, medications, wild or otherwise dangerous animals, or small objects that a child could choke on) In this area, parents or siblings can devote some time of every day to playing games that require low organization and little equipment, such as “tag” or “hide and seek.” Eventually games that involve throwing or catching balls can be introduced and as your child’s skills grow, more advanced and physically demanding games can be taught.
If the parents enjoy running, swimming, or cycling, the child should be encouraged to participate. These activities can be enjoyed by the whole family, allowing parents and siblings an opportunity to exercise while supervising the exercise of their autistic child.
In some areas, groups of parents and other volunteers form athletic leagues and sports programs for children with disabilities. These can be great opportunities to teach your child athletic skills and get exercise.
I spent time and money childproofing my home when my son was an infant. Do I have to change anything now that he has been diagnosed as autistic?
Childproofing your home is not a novel idea or difficult to accomplish for parents with only typical children. With typical children, a gate at a stairway, a lock on cabinet door, or a plastic cover for an electrical outlet will usually suffice.When the child is a few years older, these precautions and devices can be removed without adverse risk to the child.
For parents of autistic children, “childproofing” your home is much more complex and lasts much longer. The characteristics of autistic children make them high risks for injury in the home. As a group, they can be hyperactive and enjoy climbing, throwing, breaking, jumping, peeling, cutting, pulling down, throwing utensils, plates and cups, sweeping items off surfaces, dumping drawers and bins, and climbing out of or breaking windows. They can be very curious and indifferent to obvious dangers from flames, hot liquids, heights, sharp objects, cutting tools, and the like. Finally, because these behaviors can extend for many years beyond what you could expect from a typical child, autistic children are taller, stronger, and smarter than the toddlers many safety devices are designed to protect. They can force open doors, break windows, reach sliding bolts, open simple locking devices, and put keys in locks that are more complex. Autistic children tend to be very curious and very persistent. Typical children tend to outgrow destructive or dangerous behaviors, whereas autistic children tend to continue to manifest unsafe behavior as they continue to grow. You should never underestimate the creativity and persistence of an autistic child when it comes to defeating safety devices.
Therefore, more attention needs to be paid to safety around the house. Safety does not only lay in changing the environment, but also in changing the knowledge and behaviors of the autistic child, the parents, siblings, and other household members. Everyone should be interested in the safety of your child. Leaving doors or gates open, cigarette lighters around, or firearms unsecured are common ways for other household members to affect the child’s safety.
Is my home unsafe for my autistic child?
Perform a survey of your house or apartment as well as any yard or play area that your child will spend time in. As you enter each space, review the following list and note what risks to your child the room contains and make a note of each safety risk. Parents should examine each room for the potential of: Fall injuries: Are there unguarded stairways; access to unlocked or opened windows; stairwells, window wells, and tall furniture that can be climbed on; and access to washing machines or dryers, crawl spaces, sump drains,
or wells?
Burn injuries/fires: Could your child get access to matches, lighters, lit candles, open pilot lights for stoves, boilers and burners, stove tops, and burning cigarettes, cigars, or pipes? Can your child open a hot water faucet or touch hot water from boilers, radiators, or heating pipes? Can they reach toasters, teapots, or coffee urns? Are there caustic chemicals, pipe cleaners, solvents, or acids accessible?
Cut injuries: Does the space contain knives, razors, scissors, broken glass or ceramics, saws, garden clippers, weed cutters, lawn mowers, and other power tools?
Suffocation/strangulation/drowning: Can your child grab small swallowable objects, plastic bags, and plastic sheets? Could they get their head or neck caught in hanging ropes, electrical wires, nets, or bars? Do they have access to pools, ponds, lakes, wells, or any other open water?
Electrical injuries: Are there exposed electrical wires; uncovered electrical outlets; electrical appliances that are too near tubs, sinks, or other bodies of water that the child could throw them into?
Toxic ingestions: Are there accessible cleaning fluids, drain cleaners, acids, lye, paint remover, gasoline, kerosene, pesticides, medications, vitamins, minerals, hobby supplies, paint chips, and so forth?
Firearms injury: Are there firearms that are accessible?
Even if they appear out of reach or out of sight, they may be found by a curious child.
Elopement: Are there unlocked doors or windows that the child can use to leave the home? If your child left this space, would you notice? Are alarms available for this purpose?
