Sometimes we are more prone to be hurt or offended than at other times. Years of experience have taught me that when I am excessively tired, I am more touchy and apt to get my feelings hurt more than I am when I am rested. I have learned to avoid conversations that could be tense when I know I am tired. I have also learned to wait to bring up subjects that might be tense for Dave when he is tired. Times when we are tired are the worst times to confront something I think he is doing wrong or to mention something I would like him to change. I know I will end up hurt or angry if he does not respond the way I want him to, so I do not put myself in that position.
I encourage husbands and wives to learn to relate to each other in ways that minimize the potential for offense, just as Dave and I have learned to do. A woman should not greet her husband when he comes home from work with all the bad news she can think of, such as, “The children acted terribly all day and you need to correct them,” and “The utility bills are higher than I have ever seen them,” and, “You need to quit that golf league you are in because I am sick and tired of watching you have all the fun while I do all the work.”
Similarly, when one of the children kept a mother awake all night with an illness, the others have misbehaved all day, the house looks like a cyclone hit it, and dinner is burned beyond recognition-that is not the time for a husband to announce, “I’m going fishing with the guys this weekend.” Under the circumstances I mentioned, his entire wife would want is encouragement, some assistance around the house, and someone to help with the children, not the news that she has to handle everything by herself all weekend long. Perhaps this couple does need to talk about the children, the utility bills, the golf league, and the fishing trip, but they need to do so at a good time, not when they are frustrated, frazzled, or exhausted.
I have also discovered I can be more easily offended than I typically am when I have been working too long without a break. I might not be physically tired, but I may be mentally fatigued and need some creativity or diversity. Learning to understand these things about myself has helped me avoid offense. I can say to myself, “I am tired and therefore touchy, so I need to shake this off and not get upset over something I wouldn’t normally get upset about.”
Talking to ourselves is a good thing! When I begin to get a bad attitude, I often say that I need to have a meeting with myself. Especially when we are tempted to sin (and being offended is sin), we may need to give ourselves verbal reminders or instructions such as, “I know I am tired and frustrated, but I am not going to sin. I am not going to open a door to the enemy in my life by being offended. I am going to obey God and forgive this person, and not harbor hurt and offense in my heart.” Have as many meetings with yourself as you need to in order to figure out when you are most likely to be easily offended. As I mentioned, I am more sensitive to offense when I am tired or under stress and I believe most of us are that way. Get to know yourself in this way. Be aware when circumstances that make you touchy arise, and be diligent to refuse to be offended.
