VIDEO
Is body modification a sign of anxiety?
Tattoos and piercings have become fixtures of American culture. Various cultures across the world have used body modification for centuries. The roots of this behavior, culturally as well as psychologically, are deep.
But most people with a tattoo will tell you that they have chosen this brand of art as a way to make note of something important. It seems that the meaning of the particular tattoo can be as individual as the person who chose it or the circumstances under which she decided to have it done. I believe the relative permanence of this style of art can reflect an underlying separation anxiety.
A man who feels insecure and small may choose to bond with the permanent image of a naked woman on his skin, thus feeling strong and manly when displaying this image to his friends. This image and his view of himself with this image help reduce his underlying anxiety of feeling small and childlike. It might also keep his friends’ eyes on him, giving him a kind of attention that leaves him feeling less alone or abandoned. Piercings involve similar logic.
They relay to the recipient an external confirmation of being special but do so in a self-mutilatory way. A girl may pierce her tongue to announce that she is sexually potent, yet, in doing so, she also permanently reminds herself that she feels her mouth is dirty and (in her perception) in need of punishment for these sexual wishes. As with tattoos, only the wearer can genuinely convey either the particular meaning of any piercing or any potential anxiety that wearing it might alleviate.
What if I am so lonely I feel I could die?
Loneliness can create overwhelming anxiety, and anxiety can reinforce loneliness. Ultimately we are on our own in life, and much of the perceived emptiness we can feel when alone can drive our struggle to be relevant in life or, perhaps, to deny that we will die alone.
Its extreme form is the avoidant personality, a person who wishes deeply to be connected to the world around him but just as deeply fears rejection. Another common loneliness is that of depression, where a feeling of not being lovable can breed a toxic isolation. This brand of loneliness further reinforces feelings of inadequacy, thus reinforcing the isolation. We can also feel emotionally lonely despite physical connection with someone. A couple may be together in a relationship but the individuals might still experience profound anxiety and yearnings to feel more understood and less lonely.
Loneliness can range from simple sadness to a kind of empty, desperate, soul-searching, frenetic feeling to a deep sense of worthlessness. This loneliness can prompt impulsive, desperate maneuvers to manage one’s internal state. Filling one’s self with illegal substances, sex, food, people, or material goods can reflect panic over one’s sense of emptiness, thus illustrating the basic connection between internal loneliness and manipulation of the external environment.
Treatment of anxiety can help you to feel less alone with your anxiety; to restructure your internal world so that you can feel more comfortable being alone; to appeal less to the outside world as a way of regulating these feelings of loneliness; and to accept this loneliness as you go through it as a fundamental condition of humanity.
Rick’s comments:
While I have been fortunate enough through my work to be much less alone than I used to be, my most powerful urge is still to isolate. A weekend spent by myself, which by Sunday night has me feeling depressed and useless, doesn’t seem to prevent my arranging things so that I’m just as alone the following weekend. Part of it is my refusal to overeat when others are around. The wiser voice in my head whispers “Good! So be around other people and don’t overeat-kill two birds with one stone.” Who can heed that voice, though, when another one is shouting “Good! So let go of other people and dig in!” The fact that I still listen to that voice so often is not a source of pride to me. Another part is self-consciousness. Because of my OCD and the sense of being an outsider it causes, of not being one of the-to use a great phrase by the late, great advocate known as Howie the Harp-“chronically normal,” I know it’s not unusual for anybody to think at times “if they only knew the real me.” The anxiety, however, definitely makes that feeling more intense.
