Modern Families – Fresh Ideas – Parenting
Family Meetings
Family Empathy Check-In
Objective: To connect with your feelings and needs, and with family members
Type of Activity: Interactive
Materials: Feelings and Needs Cards (find them in Topic: Giraffe & Jackal Play) (optional: a Feelings List and a Needs List to refer to and to make extra cards)
Procedure:
1. Sit around a table or in a circle on the floor. Spread all of the Needs Cards, face up, in the space between you, so everyone can see them.
2. One person (the Speaker) holds all of the Feelings Cards. The Speaker tells a short story about something that happened recently and chooses the Feelings Cards that represent his or her feelings in the situation, then puts these cards, face up, in front of him or her.
3. The person to the left of the Speaker makes an empathic guess by picking up one Needs Card, placing it in front of the Speaker, and asking the Speaker: I wonder if you feel/felt (reflect one or more of the Feelings that the Speaker mentioned) because you need/needed (state the need on the selected Needs Card)?
The Speaker does not respond to this or any of the subsequent guesses until all guesses are made. The Speaker simply receives empathic guesses and reflects on the needs that are offered.
4. Continuing around the circle, one person at a time takes a turn making an empathic guess and putting before the Speaker one Needs Card. When a player senses that the relevant needs have been guessed and there are no more Needs Cards on the floor that they want to guess, the player may say, I pass.
5. When all guesses have been made, the Speaker says which needs hit home the most. At this point, the Speaker can also select any Needs Cards that weren’t guessed that are important in the situation. Then, all Needs Cards go back in the center and the Feelings Cards are passed to the player on the left, who becomes the new Speaker.
Variation: Wild Cards
Jokers/wild cards can be used to guess any additional feelings and needs that are not already in the deck.
Variation: Show of Cards
For a quick family check-in, each family member starts with a deck of Feelings & Needs Cards. At the beginning of Family Meetings, or anytime someone calls for a “Show of Cards,” each person can hold up for others to see, the Feelings Card(s) and Needs Card(s) that express what’s going on for them.
Topic: Family Meetings
Title: Is That an Observation?
Objective: To distinguish between observations and evaluations Type of Activity:
Materials: 3 different colors of construction paper, felt pen, Statement Strips (see following page)
Preparation:
Observation: A statement that is free from judgment or evaluation of any kind. To make an observation, pretend you are looking through the lens of a video camera, and then describe the sights and sounds the camera would record. An example of an observation is, I see you looking in your book while I’m talking to you.
Evaluation: A statement that contains your beliefs, thoughts, and opinions about what you are seeing or hearing. An example of an evaluation is, You never listen to me.
Procedure:
1. Review the difference between observations and evaluations.
2. Cut out the Statement Strips, fold them in half, and place them in a bowl.
3. Write headings on the construction paper: OBSERVATION, EVALUATION, and “?” for statements you are uncertain about) and place the papers in the center of a table.
4. One at a time, each person at the table draws a folded strip of paper, decides whether it is an observation, evaluation, or whether she or he is uncertain, and then places it on the appropriate piece of construction paper.
5. Continue taking turns until all the strips have been placed on one of the three pieces of paper.
6. Then, discuss and decide together where to place strips placed on the piece of construction paper marked “?”.
7. When all strips have been placed on the Observation or the Evaluation papers, read all of the Observations to see if any Evaluations have been mixed in. Also, read all of the Evaluations to see if any Observations have been mixed in with them.
Topic: Family Meetings
Title: Needs List
Objective: To understand needs, develop a needs vocabulary, & have a common list of needs to refer to
Type of Activity: Discussing and writing
Materials: Large piece of white paper or poster board, colored markers and/or colored pencils
Procedure:
1. Discuss the things that everyone in the world needs and write them on the paper or poster board.
2. Illustrate the needs where possible.
3. Make a decorative border and put it on the refrigerator door.
Topic: Family Meetings
Title: Needs Mandala
Objective: To develop a vocabulary and appreciation of needs
Type of Activity: Art and writing
Materials: Large piece of cardboard, old magazines with lots of pictures, glue, ribbon
Procedure:
1. Cut a large circle from a piece of cardboard.
2. Draw lines to divide the circle into six parts. (The divisions don’t need to be pie shapes.)
3. Write one of the following in each area: Survival needs (food, water, shelter), Safety/Protection, Belonging/Acceptance, Learning/Respect, Choice/Self-Direction, Community.
4. Cut out pictures from magazines to represent these needs and glue them on the circle.
5. When all of the cardboard is covered, glue a piece of ribbon or piping around the edge of the circle to frame it, and then hang it on a wall. If you want to make it into a mobile, decorate both sides and hang it from the ceiling.
Topic: Family Meetings
Title: Needs Treasure Chest
Objective: To develop a vocabulary of needs; to honor the preciousness of needs
Type of Activity: Art and writing
Materials: Colored paper cut into jewel shapes (circles, diamonds, hearts, squares, rectangles, etc.), envelopes
Procedure:
1. Ask everyone what is important to each of them (what they value) in relationships with friends, in themselves, in family members, in nature, in school, at home, etc.
2. Suggest that needs are like precious jewels.
3. Write what you value on the paper jewels.
4. Decorate the envelopes to be the treasure chests for the jewels.
5. Share your jewels with one another.
6. Notice common needs and values that everyone agrees are important.
Topic: Family Meetings
Title: Fortune Cookies
Objective: To learn to distinguish between observations and evaluations
Type of Activity: Co-operative game
Materials: A plate of fortune cookies, enough for 4–5 cookies for each family member; a set of 4 cards for each person (3 x
large F or the word Fortune; on the second card, make a large E or Evaluation; on the third card, write a large O or Observation; on the last card, write a ? (Question mark).
Preparation:
Discuss the distinctions between:
A Fortune: a statement that something will happen in the future
You will have good luck tomorrow.
An Evaluation: a statement pretending to know what a person is
You are a happy person.
An Observation: something that a video camera could see or a tape recorder could record The cat is sitting in your lap purring.
Procedure:
This is a dessert game so you could make a pot of tea to go with the cookies.
The idea is to have fun while exploring together the difference between a fortune, an evaluation, and an observation by reading from the slips of paper in fortune cookies.
Take turns picking out a fortune cookie, opening it, and reading the fortune. (And eating t if you want.) Everyone then holds up a card to indicate they don’t know or they think the statement is a Fortune, an Evaluation, or an Observation. Continue as long as everyone’s having fun.
Variation: Paper Cookies
Make your own paper fortune cookies by cutting out 3- or 4-inch round pieces of tan paper. Fold each piece twice to resemble the shape of a fortune cookie. Open up the “cookies” and whoever wants to writes a statement inside that could be a fortune, an observation, an evaluation, or something else. Then fold the cookies and place them in a bowl. One at a time, select a cookie, read it, and discuss what type of statement it is.
