MY ANOREXIA STORY – TRIGGER WARNING
Anorexia Nervosa Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment
What can I do to enhance my child’s body image?
One important step toward enhancing your child’s body image is to examine your feelings and attitudes about your own body image. How did you feel about your body growing up? Do you compare your body to others’? Do you diet frequently? Do you make disparaging comments about your own weight or appearance? Do you exercise only for the purpose of losing weight or burning off calories that you ate in “excess”?
If so, your son or daughter will take notice. While you may not intend to “pass down” negative feelings about body image, weight, and appearance, your children will look to you as a model for what it is like to relate to one’s own body.
Secondly, withhold negative comments about appearance or weight, both your own and your child’s. If you are self-conscious about your own weight and appearance, whatever the reason, your child is more likely to be as well. Help your child gain a sense of self-esteem and self-worth that is not based primarily on appearance, weight, or body shape. Examining your own attitudes about these issues will go a long way toward achieving that goal.
Next, be affirming in your comments about your child’s strengths. Your child may not always seem responsive to your gestures of support, but they do not go unnoticed. Encourage broad varieties of activities, strengths, and achievements in order to place importance on what your children do and who your children are, rather than on their appearance. Help your children learn assertive communication, and teach them to stand up for their rights as individuals-especially their right to be treated with dignity and seen as whole, complete people, valued for things that go beyond their appearance, such as their contributions to their world and community.
Finally, balance is a key. Be sure to have a balanced approach to exercise and nutrition in the home. Maintain an informed view of the media and the many societal pressures to be thin. Discuss these things with your children, and encourage open, honest dialogue about the pressures regarding weight and appearance they may be facing in their social circles, school environments, or athletic groups. Help your children understand the natural changes to body shape and appearance that occur during puberty, and help them to appreciate the ways in which their bodies are changing and growing. Learn about the signs and symptoms to watch out for with regard to eating disordered behavior, but also celebrate the positive at the same time! Support their efforts to develop positive regard for themselves, and their bodies!
Your children will look to you as a model for what it is like to relate to one’s own body.
My daughter was recently diagnosed with anorexia, and, needless to say, I am overwhelmed. My life feels like it has been turned upside down. I am scared and tired, but at the same time, I desperately want to be there for her. How can I get through this?
Getting help for your child is critically important because you cannot do this alone. She will need the help of caring professionals, as we have discussed earlier. However, it is perhaps equally important for you to receive help and support as well.
Caring for a person with anorexia can be a very challenging task, and regardless of the severity of the disorder, the diagnosis of anorexia in a loved one brings questions, fears, and concerns that should not be overlooked. It is important to reduce any feeling of isolation that you may be experiencing.
Thus, having a place to discuss your concerns, process your feelings, and find support for yourself can be a valuable means of assistance.
Many parents find it helpful to talk with other parents of anorexia patients. Families learn how to lean on each other for support, listen to each other’s challenges, and glean helpful advice for handling the family changes that come with a loved one’s eating disorder. Resources such as the Parents, Family and Friends Network (PFN) at the National Eating Disorders Association and the Family and Friends Support Finder provide means for building connections between parents of anorexia patients. Parental support groups are available, both those led by professional therapists and those led by other concerned parents. The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) offers free support groups in many parts of the United States, some of which are open to family members.
If there are no local support groups in your area, consider starting one yourself. Many of the organizations listed in the Resources section of this book may be able to help you begin a group and provide resources for doing so In addition, loved ones often find that personal and/or family therapy is a helpful tool and source of support. A trained therapist can help family members gain answers to questions, discuss personal feelings, learn to accept personal limitations, and work through interpersonal conflict.
Lastly, consider some of the other resources that can help families arm themselves with education about anorexia. Eating Disorders Today (published by Gürze Books) is a quarterly newsletter geared toward helping recovering individuals and their loved ones. Blogs, chat rooms, and online support groups lead the way in new technologies as sources of family support.
I know caring for my child will be a challenge, but I’m not sure what to expect. What type of difficulties might I face?
While each anorexia patient faces his or her own unique challenges, timeline for recovery, and illness severity, the burden on family members can be great regardless of these factors. As a result, caregivers often report high levels of unmet needs of their own. According to Eating Disorders Review, studies show that a family’s burden while caring for a loved one with anorexia may be comparable to caring for someone with other forms of persistent mental illness. Caregivers may face additional challenges with co-occurring conditions in loved ones, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or self-injury. All of these reasons reinforce the need for loved ones to have sufficient support for themselves.
Family members commonly report having to deal with issues such as disruption of family mealtimes, increased emotional conflict, defiance on the part of a child anorexia patient, and increased social isolation. Some parents report strain on their marriage, strain in their relationships with their other children, and complicated sibling relationships as the result of anorexia in the family. Simple acts such as shopping for groceries can become increasingly complicated as parents are unsure of how to handle a child’s unusual demands and restrictions with regard to food in the home. Family members may face their own illnesses, mental health needs, marital strife, divorce adjustment, or work problems that warrant attention. Caring for a person with anorexia can be a complicated task; however, the right resources and a strong treatment team will enable you to face any challenges ahead with increased confidence.
Sarah shares:
When I was sick, everyone around me felt so out of control and frustrated with me, like I wasn’t listening to anything they had to say. Little did they know, I felt almost as powerless as they did. I didn’t know what else to do except listen to my eating disorder. But it’s hard to explain that to your mom when she makes your favorite meal and you refuse to eat it, or to your friends when you repeatedly back out of plans because you know it will involve food at some point.
I yelled, cursed, and threw things at my mother-things I never would have done had I been in my right mind. These behaviors only came out at my worst times, and my mom had to learn to see through my destructive actions and realize that my eating disorder was controlling me; it simply wasn’t me acting so badly.
It is important to reduce any feeling of isolation that you may be experiencing.
