Have a Bottom Line
Of course, after you’ve asked you may not get a straight answer. You may get a conditional one. In other words you’ll have to negotiate. And when you’ve finished negotiating, you’ll need to come away with something worth having.
Which is what, precisely? You have to know the answer to this question, because otherwise you may find you’ve agreed to something that isn’t actually any use to you. Before you start, you have to know what is the least you’ll settle for. Whether you’re buying a house, getting a pay raise, asking for a loan, or getting the builders in, if you don’t know this before you start, you’re in trouble.
And often it’s not straightforward. Sometimes these things are a straight yes and no thing-how much are you prepared to pay for this car, for example-but in many cases there are lots of variables. You might settle for a smaller pay raise if there’s a promise of a further raise next year. Depending on how much. And when next year. And if there are other perks to go with it. See? All these things can interrelate. If the other person says maybe instead of yes, you have to be ready to discuss these things, knowing that you won’t fall into the trap of negotiating a deal that isn’t worth it because you’ve got your bottom line fixed in your mind.
Ask for More Than You Want
Some people will try to beat you down-you know they will. Remember the scene in Monty Python’s Life of Brian where Brian is frantically trying to buy something from a market stall before his pursuers catch up with him. He tries to hand over the money, and the stallholder refuses to deal with him unless he haggles over the price. Sometimes there’s a good reason to negotiate you down, but a lot of people won’t even need a reason. So you start by asking for more than you want. Then, when they negotiate you down, you still end up where you privately hoped to be. Other people may be alarmed at the scale of what you’re asking. When you drop what you’re asking for they’ll appreciate the concession and the final figure won’t be so daunting. Suppose you want your sister to look after your children two days a week after school for an hour, until you get back from work. Ask her if she could manage three days. While she’s thinking about it, let her know you can see this is a lot to cope with-maybe she could just do two days? By now, two days is looking far more manageable once she’s contemplated three, and she’s more likely to feel it’s a reasonable request.
I’m not asking you to be manipulative, that’s never a good approach. I’m assuming here that three days would be even better, but you can see that two is as much as you can reasonably ask. Don’t ask for more than you’d accept-just for more than you expect or aim to get.
Don’t Make Empty Threats
Or indeed any threats. That’s not nice. But for your own sake don’t say, imply, or threaten that if the other person doesn’t do what you want you’ll quit your job, or never help them again, or not be their friend, or never speak to them in the playground—well, that’s how childish it is. Not only that, it’s counter-productive.
For one thing they may call your bluff. You’re going to feel pretty aggrieved if your boss says “fair enough then, you’ll have to find another job.” Now you’ve either got to do so, or lose face by staying anyway. And not only that-if you stay your boss now knows they can say no to you with impunity. Threats cause bad feeling, and the other person is far more likely to say no to you next time if she is annoyed at being threatened this time. Your neighbor certainly isn’t going to babysit for you ever again. Your mother won’t reconsider her decision about the house move. And all those other things you might need them for in the future…you’ve blown it now. Suppose the threat isn’t empty? Suppose you really will leave your job if your manager won’t give you a rise? Don’t tell them-it will sound like blackmail however you play it. Just do it. When they say no, go and get another job, and when you hand in your notice you can explain-in regretful but polite terms-that you have had to take a job with better prospects. If losing you was ever going to change their mind, they’ll make you an offer to get you to stay. If they don’t, the threat wouldn’t have worked (and wouldn’t have helped your references either).
