Think About It
The negotiations have gone kind of OK. They haven’t agreed to everything, but they have proposed a compromise.
They’ll lend you half the money; they’ll give you a smaller pay raise than you wanted but they’ll also give you other perks; they’ll look after the kids every other week; they won’t date you but they’ll spend more time with you; they’ll accept your offer but they won’t do the repairs on the roof.
Hmmm. Is it worth it?
That could be hard to say. In which case, don’t say it.
Don’t feel rushed into making a decision, even if the another person is trying to pressure you.
Listen, this is important.
You can’t spend all that time planning and then just blurt out a decision that is frankly no more than a guess. What if it turns out to be the wrong answer?
You always have the right to say, “That’s an interesting thought – proposal – idea –recommendation – offer.
I’d like to think about it.”
Then ask them when they want a response by, or make a suggestion yourself.
Now you have time not only to think but also if necessary to collect more information to help you decide. Get a more accurate figure on the roofing costs, see if your sister could babysit on the alternating weeks, find out if there’s any way to trim the budget further, analyse the savings you’ll gain from working at home or having a company car.
After you have all the facts in front of you, then you can go back with a clear decision that you know is the right one.
Put the Decision in Writing
Great! They said yes! Congratulations.
Now, let’s just keep calm and think about this for a moment.
Did they say yes unreservedly, or were there conditions?
Did they agree to the timing?
Which one of you was going to double-check it with Matt?
Will it still be OK for you to go on vacation in March?
And if you’re sure you know all those answers, are you also sure that they do? And that you’ll both still remember the same version the week after next?
No, you can’t be.
Unless, of course, you write it down.
If there’s a lot of detail to cover, you need to take a notebook into the meeting with you. And, whether you’ve done that, if there’s the slightest risk they could change their mind, or try to alter the conditions or misremember the minutiae, you need to put it all down in writing afterwards.
If it’s a business meeting of some kind, this will seem so normal you can just write it down with a covering note to say it seemed wise to put it down in writing.
If that seems too formal you can still drop your neighbour a note, or your mother an email, to say, “Thanks so much for agreeing to look after the house while we’re away.
Here are the dates again for you, and it’s such a relief to know the garden will be looked after too while we’re gone.”
There. Now if mum doesn’t remember agreeing to weed the garden she can say so.
Be Ready to Be Decisive
That’s what the most successful people do.
They work out what went wrong this time, and they get cracking on the next challenge. Sometimes that can entail big decisions, and you have to be prepared for that.
Maybe you just won’t find a house that fits your requirements, and you have to decide what you’ll compromise on.
Perhaps your boss is never going to promote you and you need to look for another job. Maybe not, but you have to face up to the decision.
This is where the people who wait for answers to fall into their laps go wrong, and start to look unlucky.
While the go-getters get going on Plan B and, sooner or later, get what they want without the need for luck.
So go back to the beginning (don’t worry, a lot of the legwork’s already done) and analyse what you need to do differently and whether that will entail making big changes. If it does, consider them carefully – don’t hand in your notice in a fit of anger -and be prepared to try again or to be decisive about heading in another direction.
Don’t Give Up
Maybe you’re not willing to compromise, or you don’t see the need.
Maybe the answer isn’t to quit the job, or the marriage, or the house move, or enjoy being overweight.
Maybe you still wanted what you started out wanting, and those things aren’t the answer.
OK, then stick with Plan A.
Quite right – sometimes big change isn’t the answer.
Sometimes you just need to keep at it.
I lost count of the number of times I tried unsuccessfully to give up smoking. But I did it in the end.
What if I’d given up trying to give up?
Apart from the irony of it, I’d still be smoking now.
The fact I do not show that persistence isn’t futile.
Maybe you didn’t get the promotion this time. But now that another candidate has moved on up, maybe you’ll be the one next time – and meantime you can work on making yourself an even more promising applicant.
So no one would look after the kids while you went to Italian classes?
They’ll be starting a new course soon and maybe it will be on a better night.
Or you’ll find a parent at the school who’s happy to do a babysitting swap with you every week. Or your partner will get home early on a Thursday.
So don’t quit.
Make challenging but realistic plans and work at making them happen. And whatever you do, don’t rely on luck. In any case, if you’re doing it properly, you won’t need it.
