Long-term breast cancer survivors face unexpected challenges
What can I do to make sex more comfortable?
The first choice for breast cancer survivors is to use a combination of vaginal moisturizers and vulvar lubricants. In addition, you may want to take your pain medication about 20 to 30 minutes before anticipated sexual activity. Also, use pillows and support cushions during sexual intercourse. When intimate, find a position where pain and discomfort are minimal. For many breast cancer survivors, there is an undeniable link between their hormonal status, painful sexual activity, bladder symptoms, and the development of a muscle spasm in the pelvic floor muscles, which are a group of muscles that support the bladder, the genitals, and the bowel. They are under both voluntary (the muscles you can squeeze to hold back urine flow or to do a “Kegel” exercise) and involuntary control (they maintain a certain baseline tone in order to support the organs and bones of the pelvis).
Sometimes, fear of repeated soreness with sex can cause a woman to involuntarily brace her pelvic muscles as if to “guard” herself from painful penetration. Over time, this tightening can become a sustained guarding response, and the muscles can actually shorten and be unable to stretch enough to accommodate a penis or a vibrator comfortably, leading to more pain. Several strategies can help women with hypertonic pelvic floor muscle spasm (also called vaginismus). Most sexual medicine experts are able to examine a woman and perform measurements to evaluate her pelvic floor muscles. If she demonstrates a sustained guarding of her muscles, she may receive a prescription for an oral or intravaginal suppository form of a muscle relaxant (e.g., diazepam, carisoprodol, and cyclobenzaprine). If this fails to relax her muscles sufficiently, she may be directed to a pelvic floor physical therapist, who is specially trained in exercises to strengthen the core muscles of the body and relax and stretch the pelvic floor muscles. The physical therapist may work externally on the muscles of the abdomen, low back and buttocks, as well as inside the vagina, performing an internal massage technique. Although this may seem unusual, pelvic floor physical therapists are usually women who are fully trained in these techniques and take the utmost care to maintain a professional and private therapy environment. Finally, after either or both of these steps, a woman and/or her partner can be taught to reeducate the vaginal muscle by inserting a series of graduated-sized medical dilators (covered with lubrication) into the vagina for 10 minutes several times per week. This facilitates the muscles stretching and then maintaining the proper tone to accommodate comfortable sexual intercourse.
When it comes to looking for ways to spice up the romantic interest and sexual drive in a relationship, breast cancer survivors are similar to all other women, for whom maintaining motivation for intimacy and connection may be a constant challenge.
How does novelty affect sex drive and responsiveness?
When it comes to looking for ways to spice up the romantic interest and sexual drive in a relationship, breast cancer survivors are similar to all other women, for whom maintaining motivation for intimacy and connection may be a constant challenge. Most studies of love and marriage show that romantic love and its attendant sexual “pizzazz” decline in all relationships over time. The excitement of early romance tends to fade and is replaced by familiarity and predictability. You are aware of your sexual script. You know what happens from the start to orgasm and things progress without surprise or excitement. Sexual play is boring and predictable as if the sequence of events is set in motion and happens almost spontaneously. When couples do new and exciting things together, their emotional and sexual bonds with each other may be strengthened. The goal for couples interested in enriching their romantic lives, according to Dr Helen Fisher, anthropologist and romantic love expert, is to find ways of regularly increasing novelty in the relationship, causing a rise in brain chemicals related to sexual interest, drive, and feelings of romantic love for a partner. It also helps the connectedness or intimate bond between partners. Dr Arthur Aron, professor of social psychology, suggests that rather than visiting familiar restaurants, dining with the same friends, ordering the same meals, couples who are interested in “spicing up” their romantic lives should plan special date nights that involve new and different activities that they both enjoy. The novel activities need not be exotic or expensive and can be as simple as trying a new type of cuisine, visiting an art exhibit, or going to a county fair. Dance around naked in the living room. Listen to music, or plan an activity that is new for both of you!
Magnolia Myrick said:
Planning sexual excitement doesn’t cost much money-your imagination is the only needed tool. Let your mind wander and explore new and different exciting sensual and sexual aspects of your sexual function. Improve communication between yourself and your partner! All this talk about vibrators and sexy books and movies might just send you running. But listen, if whatever you’re doing is not working, you need to try something else. If you can get over yourself, and you can, and try any of these spicing-up techniques here, you will love it. So will your partner-trust me. And lighten up, if you haven’t already. What all these serious medical people might not tell you is not to take yourself too seriously. It is their job to take you seriously, so they can take some of the pressure off you. It may well be that the less seriously you can approach this whole sex business, the better. When you think about it, sex is nothing if not hilarious. (I mean think about it. Are you thinking about it? Are you laughing now? Good.) I always thought I had a pretty good sex life, and one of the most frightening things about cancer to me was the prospect of losing my desire and my sex appeal. (Well, that and dying, of course.) Using some of the techniques described throughout this book, I practised to keep the home fires burning. Yes, my body’s changed; the vagina is drier and sometimes gets sore after sex. And no, I don’t want to “Do It” as often as I used to. But honestly, now 6 years post-diagnosis, post-menopause, and in my early 50s, I am having the best sex I ever had. Some of it has to do with my own growth and development, I’m sure. A lot of it has to do with my wonderful partner. He encourages me, and us, to be adventurous, to use vibrators, to tell sexy stories, to have fun in the sack, and to laugh.
Laughing is about the sexiest thing I know.
How can it be possible to change brain chemicals with simple behaviors?
Dr Fisher’s research is based on brain medical science. Her research found that new experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with neuro brain chemicals called dopamine and norepinephrine. The reward system area of the brain is the same area that is flooded with chemicals when a person first “falls in love.” The result is several symptoms that may feel very familiar to you as you recall when you first felt romantic feelings for someone. “Can’t eat, can’t sleep, think about them all the time, yearn to be together 24 hours a day, wanting to be united physically, emotionally, spiritually. . . .” Actually, it is similar to obsessive-compulsive behavior (the same brain chemicals are involved in that diagnosis, too!). Dr Aron has tested the novelty theory in a series of experiments with long-term married couples. In his studies, couples completed questionnaires about their relationship before and after a series of assigned tasks. Some couples were assigned a somewhat boring task, such as walking back and forth across a room, whereas others were challenged with novel and physically exertional tasks involving crawling and pushing a ball while their wrists and ankles were immobilized. Results indicated that couples who took part in the more challenging exercise tasks showed greater increases in love and satisfaction survey scores than those couples who were assigned more routine nonchallenging tasks. Novelty changes your brain chemicals and may help promote connection and intimacy. Explore and try new things-not only in the bedroom! Climb a mountain or dance in the living room-take a tap-dancing or cooking course together. The concept is a novelty. For those who are a bit sceptical, try something easy like breaking normal routine patterns. When you go to your favorite restaurant actually try a different kind of food, have sex at a different time of the day if you’re a night person, try in the morning or vice versa. Also, a novel sexual position can be both exciting and wonderful.
Novelty changes your brain chemicals and may help promote connection and intimacy. Explore and try new things-not only in the bedroom!
